Myr's Blogger

As I’m rapidly approaching my 37^th birthday, I’m quickly – and frequently – reminded that I am no longer the young, energetic, or physically strong individual I once was.  More often than not, I am reminded of my two back surgeries, left shoulder surgery, and recent broken/injured wrist – all of which have occurred in the last four years.  I’m still quite healthy and active, but I have limitations – something I have not allowed myself to have before.  I no longer go to the gym to work out ‘hard’ or to push myself to lifting heavier than the last time; now I work out to stay in shape and am very cautious and careful to lift properly and not push myself too hard. 

                That is something I have certainly had to ‘teach’ myself to do and be deliberate in daily.  I have a tendency to be obsessive and extreme when it comes to certain aspects of my life – working out, playing sports, and being healthy/active are just three of those.  And though they are very good for you in moderation, taken to extreme they can cause just as much harm as many other things that are unhealthy. 

                Depending on the week, season, or even activities of the day before, I can easily go from feeling “normal” to being stiff and sore.  Sometimes, if I haven’t warmed up appropriately, I can still have a quick, but short, discomfort in the right ankle I sprained while in college.  It’s amazing how something minor that happened 16 years ago can still affect me even today.  I even have to take longer now to warm up throwing before every softball game due to stiffness, soreness, and achiness.

                In addition to the physical reminders of my age, I am daily reminded when I put on my ‘face’ for the day.  Those years of sunbathing hours upon hours, year after year, have also taken its toll on my skin.  I find more wrinkles, spots, blemishes, freckles, and sun damage on my skin than I ever imagined I would have – and new ones appear seemingly weekly.  Just like with the obsession of physical activity, I was also obsessed with another aspect of being physically ‘perfect.’  I could never be tanned enough.  I thought if I missed a day in the sun – or heaven forbid – it rained one summer weekend, I would lose “all” of my tan and turn ghostly white.  That might sound crazy, but that was my thought :  summer=suntan…the darker, the better. 

                Now as I look back at my ‘extreme’ life, I realize my obsessions of being perfect or being accepted were just a lack of self-confidence and self-worth on my part.  I was trying to pursue something unattainable and unrealistic.  No matter how I tried, I could never be happy or even satisfied enough.  I see pictures of me much smaller than I am now and think, “Wow!  I thought I was fat!” or I see how tanned I was and think, “Eww!  I look awful!”  But back then I was completely unhappy, unfulfilled, and unworthy – of what, I don’t know – but I felt unworthy.  I thought those physical pursuits of perfection would fill that void.  Understand, though…I didn’t realize then that there WAS a void.  I just thought I was trying to pursue something I wanted and desired that was good, healthy, and acceptable by everyone. 

                Daily I now have these reminders of the person I once was.  I cannot escape them and I cannot forget them…I have physical, emotional, and mental ‘scars’ of the person I once was and the person I was trying to be.  The more I tried to be perfect (acceptable) and the more I tried to pursue happiness externally, the more I was left imperfect, unhappy, and unsatisfied.  I now realize that I was trying to fix my internal void by “fixing” my external imperfections. 

                Proverbs 27:19 says, “As in water face reflects face, so a man’s heart reveals the man.”  My heart was struggling, my heart was desiring approval and acceptance, and my heart was hurting for someone to love me.  In many ways, my heart was empty and lost.  And that was who I was – struggling, lacking approval and acceptance, and hurting….as a result, I was empty and lost. 

                Over the past several years I have tempered my workouts, refrained from going to tanning beds and being out in the sun without sunscreen, and balanced my healthy lifestyle with maintenance, not extremes.  I’m far from perfect – I don’t eat as ‘healthy’ as I used to (which also was an extreme – canned tuna everyday for two years for lunch, for example), I don’t lift or run as often or as long as I once did, and my skin is more ‘white’ than its been since I was a child – but I am extremely happy and content.  I am not fighting with or manipulating the mirror to make me into something I’m not or never will be.  I have come to accept myself for who I am and not for what I think I can become.  Those same ‘scars’ are reminders that healing has taken place – within.

                I have come to a place of contentment, joy, and peace with the creation of who I am because God designed me this way.  I have my physical flaws and I have my areas I wish I could improve or change, but I’m not obsessed with that anymore.  I am not hurting or desiring for approval and acceptance based on my appearance or areas I lack emotionally or physically – my approval and acceptance is found in my relationship with Christ.  I don’t have to try to be someone I’m not and I don’t have to try and be ‘perfect’ for Him to love me – He loves me regardless of my flaws and He loves me in spite of my flaws. 

                My reminders of yesterday don’t define the person I am today – they only help to shape the person I am becoming.  Yes, I am getting older and with that will come even more limitations on me physically, as well as in other areas.  But I know that those limitations will also remind me of the Grace of God; that even after I suffered pain, discomfort, scars, and the effects of those on my physical body, He has given me unlimited strength to press through and continue on to pursue His Purpose in me.  I may be limited physically, but I have no limitations spiritually.  I will never physically be able to do some of the things I once did before, but I am thankful to still be active, healthy, and fit; and I’m more thankful to know that I am complete where I am and I don’t need to use a mirror to gage that.

                I may not be able to do leg presses anymore, but I can dance before the Lord; I may not be able to lift heavy weights anymore, but I can lift my hands to worship Him; and I may not desire to tan in the sun, but I can bask in His Son.  Those are reminders of who I am now.  I wouldn’t trade my new for any of my old.  I buried her years ago when I crucified the old me with Christ so that the sinful body might be done away with, and I would not be a slave to its lusts anymore (Romans 6:6/Eph. 4:22).  It’s now just a reminder…of how Great is My God.

Myr1206

Okay, now that I have your attention....I actually have been seeing another - MySpace....which is why I haven't kept up with my Vox blog for a couple of months.  I haven't written any blogs on my MySpace page, but I have more pics and can design my page like I want it.  So if you come here and are disappointed, go to www.myspace.com/softballminister and you'll be able to see more stuff.  Not saying that you won't be disappointed there, but at least I keep that updated.  :)  I just don't spend too much time writing blogs anymore...I don't have much to write about that is interesting and I really don't think people read that stuff - I don't.  I haven't been to anyone's blog on MySpace to read anything.  Plus part of the reason for the 'jump' to another is because no one ever contacts me via Vox.  So come to my space and join me as a friend....Blessings - I may, once in awhile, write something here, but it might be awhile....Hello Tony, if you're reading this - I'll talk to you soon...and if your nephew is reading this, hey to you, too...haha...can't wait to meet you. 

Mowatt

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As I'm writing this, I'm watching Arizona U play DePaul U in the softball world series.  I usually get a chance to watch several games, especially the Championship game.  I watched DePaul play Arizona State earlier today, so as DePaul won that game, they are playing the #1 seed, Arizona...home of Jennie Finch, one of the US Women's National Team pitchers.  So far it's the 3rd inning with no score, but AU keeps hitting well.  I want Arizona to win...they've been my favorite team since I saw Jennie pitch her Junior year.  The Series is always played in Oklahoma City, just like the college baseball world series is always in Nebraska, which I also get a chance to see some games.  One day I hope to make it to OK City to see the tourney.  Until then, thank you ESPN for airing women's softball games. 

Watching these games causes me to miss college softball.  Our team was pretty good, but nothing like what is on TV - these ladies in the Series would have made us look like a middle school team.  We got that kind of spanking every year when our coach scheduled us against UNC-Chapel Hill for some odd reason...I'm not sure if we ever scored against them - they were quick, good, and obviously better overall (they had LOTS more money and prestige to recruit). We played in a tournament one year there..every school was a 'university' and then there was Limestone College.  As we would wait around for our games, people would ask where we were located and of course they had never heard of Gaffney, SC..then on a couple of occasions, we'd say "have you ever seen a water tower that looks like a Peach? - that's us"  Believe it or not, a couple of people knew what we were talking about.  For all I know, LC's coach (who is still there) is still making the fateful 10-hour roundtrip to Tar Heel country.  I was a Tar Heel fan at the time, so I was proud to step foot on the sacred ground.  And if you read my blog below, you'll note that Mia Hamm is my favorite soccer player...during my years at Limestone as we made our trips to UNC, Mia was leading the Heels to championship after championship there.  So for all I know, I was there when she was...she could have been at a softball game...I doubt it, but you never know.  How cool!! 

PS - bases are loaded by Arizona right now with one out.  Now the catcher for DePaul just picked off the runner at 3rd  (what a great throw), but the batter just hit a shot over the leftfielder's head to score the other two runners...2-0, Arizona in the 5th.

Many of you might be saying "WHO?"  Well, go to her website - www.janellehallman.org - and you can read about her.  She just spoke at our ministry's Regional Mid-Atlantic Conference at Ridgecrest, NC, and I will say that it was THE best conference I've ever been to.  I went from a Joyce Meyer 'junkie' to a Janelle 'junkie.'  I wish I could even explain the wisdom Janelle poured out to us in relation to us as Image-Bearers of Christ, how God created us - not as inferior or superior - as perfect masculine and feminine images of Himself, and TONS of other things I cannot begin to cover.  I soaked up her teaching like a sponge and I was definitely sad to leave the conference.  All that when I went with little expectation to the event.  God showed up in a MIGHTY way and no one yet that I've talked to wasn't touched, ministered to, or healed in one way or another.  Me included.  I connected with several parents, women, and youth, which was an awesome blessing.  I'm blessed to know each one and I now have new, wonderful friends and 'family' (of God) to love.  I grew to know my wonderful peeps, both men and women who I've had the AWESOME pleasure to minister to and with, and just had a great weekend.  If you look at my pics, the one of Kim, Jaye, and I singing at our banquet - Jaye is the sweetie who got me the Colts sweatshirt in one of my earlier blogs.  He's such an awesome godly man.  You can also read about him at JayeThomas.com - great pic on the website...his hair is somewhat different now, but it works either way.  He writes a blog frequently there and even has a link to his myspace page.  Great guy and awesome testimony...singing is up there with Usher, Justin Timberlake, and any of the popular ones out now...I'd buy Jaye's album first.  You know, Avalon will be needing a new lead male singer by the end of the year...hmmmm...Jaye, if you're reading this, get in touch with Jenna Long...(I say that like I know her...).  Now Kim is getting onto me because she says I'm taking him away from us..we can have our own group...sounded purdy good at the banquet and conference.  Now we have one song in our repitoire...well, gotta start somewhere....Anyway, if you EVER get a chance to hear Janelle speak, RUN FOREST RUN to it....I will.  She's based in Colorado, so if you live close, go meet her...great woman of God.

Janelle Hallman

HUGE fan of Mia...soccer great that she is.  Not only did she put women's soccer on the radar, but women's sports as well....She has scored more goals than any other soccer player...male or female...ever!  Her brother, who died of a bone disease, gets the credit for getting her involved in soccer.  Unlike some big brothers, he allowed her to come and play when he would...so she learned and exceeded expectations....I saw her play in her last World Cup in 2003, in the WUSA All-Star game, and in Atlanta when she was a member of the Washington Freedom.  She literally walked just a few feet from me at the All-Star game going back to the lockerroom before the game started...I stood there, camera flashing, mouth open, sharpie and Mia Hamm 9 jersey in hand, and I froze....like a big dummy.  My ONLY chance at ever getting an autograph...down the drain....I'm so mad at myself for that.  Now she's retired, living with hubby, baseball start Nomar, and making few appearances around the East Coast (he plays for the Dodgers - on the opposite West Coast!!).  She was just recently at the NC Tarheels soccer championship game (her alma mater) earlier in the fall - they defeated Notre Dame (I believe) for the championship.  I didn't know they were even playing - the game was in Cary, NC, about 4-5 hours from here - I would have been there had I known.  Imagine my dismay and anger when I found out I missed out on yet another opportunity to see my fave athlete.  Mia, if you ever read this - all I would like is an autograph...I have a poster, her jersey, a book (two actually - one she wrote for kids and one about her), a team poster from the 2003 World Cup, and a few mags with her on them (SI for Women, which is no longer in print, and some others).  In the mix of my NY Yankees, U of Tennessee Vols, Indianapolis Colts, and Jennie Finch (pitcher for the US Wmn's National Softball team) items in my workout room at home, is my Mia Hamm collection of things. 

I need to get some display cases for some of my stuff - I have a signed t-shirt from Cat Osterman (another pitcher) when I saw the softball team play in Charlotte before they went to Athens for the Olympics (and won the gold, I might add)...I have a soccer All-Star baseball cap with about 6 signatures or so on them from professional soccer players.  I also have a signed soccer ball by Cat Reddick (now Whitehouse...she's married) that my brother put in a bid for at one of his kids' schools to win me for a Christmas present - I think he wound up spending $60 for it, bless his heart.  What a great gift!!  I would also like to hang my jersey (Mia) on a manequin, along with my Jeter t-shirt that was bought at Yankee stadium and given to me and now I have a brand new authentic ballcap also bought at the stadium to go with it.  I do have several bobbleheads because I love them - no Mia, but I have Derek Jeter, Reggie Jackson (my fave Yankee), Peyton Manning (in his UT football uniform), and Andy Pettitte (who doesn't play for the Yanks anymore....).  I have some others, but I don't think Miss Piggy qualifies (don't laugh - really have a bobblehead of her). I used to be into wrestling, so I have a bobblehead of "Lita" and a figurine of her, along with Chyna, Triple H, The Rock (I also have a poster...what a hunk!), and maybe one more - but those are about 8 years old or so now....Lita broke her neck doing a fighting scene for her part in "Angel" (TV show - she was a guest star) and after surgery, I think she pretty much stuck to announcing instead of wrestling...what a freak accident.  But she was the best - very athletic and tough.  I haven't watched wrestling since then...well, The Rock left to pursue a movie career - he was mostly why I watched it - "can you smell what The Rock is cooking?"  That's right, Jabroni....

Anyway, St. Patty's Day is Mia's birthday, so here goes:  Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Mia Hammertime, Happy Birthday to yoooooooo.......

I'm watching A.I. tonight and I can say that I think Melinda is the best, most consistent by far...and don't forget humble.  I didn't watch last year's A.I. last year and I personally think the show has declined since season 2.  Kelly Clarkson is still the overall best Idol of all the seasons.  I think because Idol was raw and a first run, there wasn't all that 'playing up' to certain people....remember "Ruuuuu-ben" and all that stuff about the "Divas" (Latoya, Jennifer Hudson, and Fantasia).  I think it's wrong that Ryan and the 'wonderful' judges promote certain people moreso than ever.  They should be neutral in all the 'cat-calls' and obvious favoritism.  There was a little in the Nikki McKibbin era (1st season) when it was very clear the judges didn't like her compared to the others...which I can agree that she couldn't touch Tamyra Gray, but guess what?  The Nikki fans pulled it out and she was 3rd. 

Now, I didn't watch much of the Carrie Underwood season, though I did see her blow on "Alone" by Heart....one of my favorite songs and she absolutely sang it flawlessly...I was floored at how awesome she sang it...I would have been mad had she screwed up that song, but she surprised me...like Kelly's version of "You make me feel like a natural woman" when she hit that note that heard around the world.  I just think after seeing Kelly, I just haven't found a comparison.  Now I will admit that I LOVED Kimberly Clarke in season 2....I didn't really care for Ruben or Clay, honestly, but I was SOOO glad she made #3.  I was, however, disappointed that Ruben won...though he's a 'teddybear', his voice is a dime a dozen and nothing spectacular.  I appreciate that he's a Christian, but you know, I think you could put almost any Christian artist against Christina Aguilera and she would wipe the floor with them...so, nothing against my fellow believer...but it is much sweeter and nicer to feel the Holy Spirit when someone sings...I pray that Christina will be saved...can you imagine her pipes anointed by the power of the Holy Spirit???  Holy Cow...I think half the world would turn to God.  Or maybe I'm just biased because I think Christina's voice, when she isn't doing all the 'runs' and moans and stuff, is pure and beautiful...just listen to her sing "Hurt" or one of her songs on her Spanish CD..specifically the duet (I don't know what it is - I'm not Spanish).  Wow. 

Anyway, I don't know why I'm sharing my Idol opinions, but I think so far this season, Melinda can't be touched.  I like Jordan, too...she reminds me of Kimberly Locke.  The Sanjaya dude or whatever his name is doesn't need to be there AT ALL...he looks like Michael Jackson with thicker eyebrows, which is probably why Diana Ross took to him...haha.  He is no fun to watch or listen to...oh well...performances so far are boring...(minus Melinda)...Phil Stacey doesn't deserve to be there either...he's probably worse than Mr. Eyebrows.  He looks better with hair (per the pics a couple of weeks ago...baldness for him isn't flattering).  I think the only year I called in to vote was season 2.  I never called in season one, though I LOVED Kelly....didn't care for Justin.  Boy, didn't he get thrown out quickly?  Now all you have to do is make the top 10 and you're almost guaranteed a career...Nikki does have an album out, or is at least working on it.  Tamyra has been on Boston Public and is in The Gospel, which she blows like you would not believe on the CD on the soundtrack...very awesome.  But for the most part, you haven't heard of any of them except Kelly.  I think that's why I liked Idol initially...now you can be mediocre and have a certain look and you all-of-a-sudden are a star.  Quality is no longer an issue or requirement in music anymore...shame.  Okay...this is long enough.  I love music...I just wish people would really aspire to greatness and originality like they once used to.  Now they are a dime a dozen and it's rare to find the 'standouts' like Norah Jones and others who are 'original.'  Blessings to my music lovas....

There is a praise and worship song that goes "Look what the Lord has done (repeat a couple of times)...He healed my body, He touched my mind...He saved me, He was just in time...Oh, I'm gonna praise His Name....."  and it continues....well, I scanned some 'before' pics for your viewing amazement at how the Lord has not only healed me on the inside, but the outside has been reflective of His Glory as well...since our website (www.TruthMinistry.com) doesn't have our 'before' and 'after' pics, I thought I'd add a few here....I'm SOOOO thankful I'm a long ways, both physically and spiritually, from these....God bless you....

Yes, I'm sitting here not only watching QVC, but I'm watching a whole gab-fest about Bare Escentuals.  Since meeting my best friend, I have been wearing the make-up products by Bare Escentuals...as a matter of fact, while we were in Florida on our last evening (Friday), about an hour or longer of our 8-hour mall shopping (window, mostly) was spent at the Bare Escentuals store...looking at make-up, talking to the sales lady (very young lady, that is), checking out the new products....etc...well, I wound up spending almost $100 on some products because the powder foundation I use is getting low and then I bought their eyeshadow kit called "Meet the Browns" that I thought looked good once the young sales girl put it on my eyes (how do people do that so perfectly?)..and of course, I had to buy the brush, which cost almost as much as the kit. 

So here I am watching an overdose of B.E. wanting some greens for my eyes (I'm brown-eyed).  Amazing...I never learned how to use or wear make-up until my best friend took the time and care to show me...and now I have a whole face 'lift' in my make-up bag...it takes me as long to put on make-up as it does to do my hair...wow...I'm becoming more feminine in my 'old' age...you have to understand, for those of you who don't know my testimony or my past, I grew up being as boyish as I could be, rejecting any and everything feminine.  I would wear dresses to church and even wear make-up (if you consider putting on a minimal amount, then thinking it was too much, and trying to wipe it off so it wouldn't be so prominent...I wonder how much makeup I wasted doing that technique.?..), but I had no idea how to really wear it.  Thankfully my skin was always in pretty good shape and I don't need a lot of make-up, but my idea of wearing makeup was usually in the winter when I didn't have a tan.  Summertime was the best because my face was tanned enough that I felt it excused me from wearing anything other than eyeliner.  hmmm...

You may ask, why is Miranda writing a dissertation about makeup?  I'm asking the same thing...if you have an answer, let me know...I'll do the same...heh-heh...I guess I just think it's funny that I have never really watched QVC at all and now I'm all into the makeup selling they are doing.  I may go to QVC.com to see what all I missed.  I love infomercials anyway, so this is like an infomercial on crack....years ago, I used to spend most of my Saturday TV time watching infomercials, wanting to buy everything, but talking myself out of it (thankfully).  I did get into a Cindy Crawford infomercial a few weeks ago (first time I watched one in a LONG time) about some face stuff you can buy that helps with wrinkles, blemishes, etc.  Granted, Cindy could put dog poo on her face and it would be a best seller because her face is flawless, but it wasn't that expensive and my wrinkles are starting to show.  I don't do a specific facial regimen because that's another thing I've never been exposed to - to the dismay of most women, I just use soap and water on my face....I have very dry skin, so my face feels like it's going to crack into a million pieces when I get through showering...but I don't even know if I have the patience to do all of that - I do put some B.E. Skin Revver Upper on my face after drying off, but that's it.  I was given an Arbonne (sp?) sample thing, but it had 7 different steps - who has time for that mess??  That's just a little much...4 is even a little much for me.  I'm not a diva, but the older I'm getting, the more I'm realizing the sun damage on my face with freckles, spots, wrinkles, and pore issues.  My skin is still pretty good, but I can tell I'm not 20 anymore. 

Okay, enough of all of that...if anyone has used the product Cindy Crawford promotes (called Meaningful Beauty), let me know if it's worth the cost ($29.95 startup).  I do think soap isn't my best ally, but it's just more convenient and easy because I feel like some of those other things don't clean my face.  My best friend, Kim, has used ProActive for many years, but I think it's too costly and I don't have a lot of acne problems...I just want wrinkles to reduce and minimize dark circles (I seem to have some under both eyes that I cover up with Bare Escentuals foundation).  Maybe I should just go to a dermatologist, but I don't know how I feel about peels, lasers, etc...too expensive and I don't think is good for you.  I'm rambling now so I'll hush up and quit boring any male who is reading this thinking, "why am I reading about make-up, facial issues, and Meaningful Beauty."  :)  Oh well...very laborious reading this time...by the way, doesn't Cindy look so much better these days??  I didn't like her as a SuperModel back in the 80s/90s, but boy is she so much prettier since she hit her late 30s/early 40s!  Age can be a good thing for women...

Manning18

Hoo-Hoo!!!  My boys came through and won an interestingly wet and sloppy SuperBowl!!  Congrats Peyton, Hunter, Coach, and the team...what a great game.  I started getting worried in the 1st quarter when it looked like the Bears were on the move with a TD in the first few seconds, but I knew that the Colts wouldn't roll over that early in the game...they proved that with the Pats and the most awesome comeback all season.  Now maybe they'll stop talking about some stupid monkey on Peyton's back...geez...the media gets on my nerves with stuff like that.  Anyhoo...I'm all decked in my Colts attire and bought a few temporary tattoos to boot while I was in Orlando this past week....I'll be looking like some tattood thug tomorrow for work to 'flaunt' my team's WIN!!!!  Too bad it was SOOOOO wet...poor Prince and his wet concert!  Commercials weren't all that this year - Coke recycled commercials, Sierra Mist came up short, but Budweiser was pretty good.  And how 'bout "Jimmy Olsen" as the heart who gets beat up by all the thugs for a heart commercial....I could also do without the "Go Daddy.com" commercials and the women half-dressed.  The Blockbuster commercial at the beginning was funny, but they only showed it once.  Oh well...maybe next year....

And add Peyton Manning as MVP...what a man!!  How Awesome for both the OWNER and coach to acknowledge God in the win as well.  He is the one who will always receive the GLORY in ALL things, even things like football...GO COLTS!!!!

Well, what more is there to say??  I watched a game of field goals...5 for Indianapolis (Go Adam Vinatieri!!), 2 for Baltimore....Great game.  Final score 15 Colts, 6 Ravens.  Saw my player, fellow Christian friend, Hunter, play....and of course, Manning.  Still too many turnovers, but they still came out on top.  Funny...when they interviewed Manning after the game, if I didn't know any better, I would have thought it was my uncle, Jimmy...he sounds JUST LIKE him.  Haha...well, the guy who was ragging on me at the gym last night will have to keep his end of his "bet."  He said that the Ravens were going to have the Colts for dinner...and if the Ravens won, I would have to wear a Ravens shirt and vice versa.  My 'bet' is, he won't show up on Monday for me to 'rag' him back...haha....mmm,mmm, good...grilled bird for dinner...tasty!!

Adamvinatieri

"But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow will he leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'" (Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven)

'Superbowl, superbowl' uttered the raven...quoth the colt, "Nevermore."'